Pause and breathe

We all make bad choices in life, it’s a part of the entire growing up process.

My life, for one, is a quagmire of bad choices and indecision, mostly about the people I have included/excluded from it. The thing is, it’s a vicious circle, every relationship that ends badly goes sour and leaves behind a stench one can’t easily get rid of. By now I should have learnt, and stopped making bad choices, but I still haven’t. And it’s going to be a while till I actually learn, pick up the pieces in elan and move on.

Sometimes I feel appalled by people’s behavior and often mine doesn’t merit much celebration either. Mistakes are meant to be made and with every one thing that goes wrong, something else goes right. But what I really really feel upset about is all the regret that I am filled with. To hell with regrets, really. What could have been if I had done this differently and all that jazz.

Have I messed up? Yes. So, who doesn’t? I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself and berating myself. Starting now I will stop analyzing myself so much. Life is meant to be lived spontaneously, and with love. But I’ve realized it’s difficult to love another person when one has little love for one self. How do people profess endless love for one another when they have such little concern for their own being?

I will stop wallowing in self doubt and self pity…if I chose to do something a certain way it’s because it was best for me. Maybe it was the wrong decision, maybe not. But can I please be allowed the comfort of knowing that at least I made a choice? Instead of letting it wait around on its ass endlessly, amounting to absolutely nothing.

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